SWEET EMPTINESS

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. When the scriptures share that I should be anxious for nothing–it often makes me anxious about my anxiety and feel that if I really had faith I would just snap out of it. I feel a little that way about being in want. If the Lord is enough, as I am often told, then why do I feel the need for friendship, why do i often feel empty. Telling me that i shouldn’t feel that way just makes me feel more empty. I am even suspicious that those who tell me that are not actually walking closer to God but instead just have no vision burden or life passion. Remember that loneliness existed in the Garden BEFORE there was any sin to muck it up. I believe God love for me to have a sense of need for him, for his church, for his word, for ministry, for belonging. That way when he fills my need I experience joy and gratitude and fulfillment.

The problem isn’t the longing it is wanting someone or something more than God. I know that this is the situation if I pull away from God or get mad at him is the other person or thing is denied, or if I try to fill the need in inappropriate ways. God raised the desire in Abraham for a gillion offspring and then it was years so he went out and tried to fulfill the desire and boy did that cause trouble. I am aware of desires in my life that I have come to believe will never be met till I get to see Jesus face to face, and it is OK to feel the need and bear the pain in order to experience the joy of the fulfillment. I used to ask God to take away the need and make me numb so it wouldn’t hurt. I guess that would not only rob me of the future joy but scar my soul in the process.

God gave king David a passion to build the temple and then said, No I’ll let your son build it. It was still probably cool to plan it and gather the material. I find that the desires he has placed in me often let me create situations where other people find fulfillment of that need for themselves and I use that to picture the future experience I will eventually find.

It also helps me worship God for who he is rather than what he makes me feel or does for me in the current moment. So, Lord fill me up with your passions but give me patience and peace to let you fill the emptiness in your time and way. Love Verle

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