My brain sometimes feels that I will protect myself from further hurt by cicling round and round on the details of past hurt.
Once I accept that I am powerless and can’t change something, having obeyed and done the little that I can with God’s help; then I need to cast all my care on him. To not do so must come from and inner heart belief that he is either incompetent, powerless or just doesn’t care. I’d never admit to such a thought in Sunday school but to go round and round shows what I actually believe more than what I convince myself and others that I believe. So I review the details of the problem, pointing out how unfair it all is. I wallow in the “if only”s and the “why me?”s.
- Myself for not being able to handle everything
- Others for not co-operating or not seeing the problems that I see and doing something.
- Ultimately, I resent God for allowing it.
Sooner or later I will realize this leads nowhere, but, then accepting that I can’t fix it and there is no point to “beating that dead horse anymore”, I:
- Hop to another problem and then to another.
It is as if I am addicted to observing and reviewing negatives.
The brain can’t support constant negatives. Hopping problems is just as draining as circling on the same one, but a little harder to feel the error of.
When I catch myself circling endlessly I have learned that the most important mental health question is to ask myself, God and others.
“So is there something else that I am supposed to do about that right now?”
The questions, “is it a problem. Is it dangerous. Is it unfair? etc. are logical but pointless and draining”.
The way out? I remind myself to say THANKS for this problem that I can’t fix! HELP me let go, SHOW ME what you want me to focus on instead. Then I get busy grabbing the next piece of life as it flows by.